Things you can't be at in bus station....

Things you can't be at in a south American bus station is sleeping in one.

After missing the bus we decided to get the earliest bus to Flori which was seven in the morning. There was no point in heading into Sao Paulo to get somewhere to stay for the night because by the time we got into the city we would nearly have to leave again. Sao Paulo is the biggest city in SA I think. There's eleven million people living in the city and the traffic can apparently be mental in the mornings.

So we decided to check the internet for somewhere close to the bus station to go. So we headed into the internet cafe in the bus station. Here we bumped into this American back packer from California who was an absolute bitch. she was around thirty five and had coloured dred locks in her hair. She was one of those has been back packers who refused to help us earlier when we were trying to buy tickets to Flori. Anyway I really wanted to punch her in the face but didn't. And who the fuck has coloured dred locks nobody because its not the fucking eighties anymore.

Anyway we tried to find a place near by on the internet but couldn't so we went to the information desk and asked there.

The woman at the desk was a bit mental and sent us down some weird under pass to a place there was apparently accommodation. There wasn't any there but there was a group of dodgy men standing around who were shouting taxi who followed us and then some favela kids who were definitely going to try rob us. Anyway we looked onto the street down below and just seen loads of dodgy characters and one neon sign saying hotel. This was definitely not a hotel. It looked like somewhere smack heads hang out which it probably was since there was loads of smack heads hanging around outside.

We legged it back to the relative safety of the bus station and picked a spot to sleep. Markus slept on the floor but I couldn't sleep. There was this tiny little Bolivian man sitting near by who was sneaking around and rolling something on the ground which to be honest was probably his own teeth. I stayed awake so the little Bolivian wouldn't rob us but then I eventually drifted off to sleep for a couple mins.

The station then got really cold and filled with loads of other dodgy people. I woke up and spotted the little Bolivian knocking around still so we moved to the other side of the station.

Here I managed to sleep for a bit but every time I woke up the station had filled with more weirdos. Eventually seven o'clock rolled around and we ran down to jump on our 12 hour bus journey to Flori.

The bus journey obviously took longer then 12 hours because the bus driver again was picking up people and dropping old ladies to the front door. Bus drivers in Brazil are sound like that.

When we got to Flori we checked into the hostel over looking the beach and went to meet (Marion and Paul the couple I met in rio) for a few drinks and a table quiz.

The table quiz was in an English bar and was probably the worst table quiz I've ever been to.It was run by this English yuppee who asked pretentious questions like name Steffi graphs parents. Who the fuck knows the answer to that!

The beach at Flori itself was unreal but unfortunately there was no waves so I couldn't bang out my amazing surf skills. Instead
we went sand boarding which was really cool and a good bit of craic.

After Flori we jumped on a bus to iguazu falls then crossed the border into Argentina to see the falls. Crossing the border we met to English girls and Portuguese guy who were good craic so we all crossed the border into Argentina together.

After checking into the hostel we had a look around Puerto iguazu where at the time motofest was on so the town had loads of Brazilian motor cyclists driving around all but other then that the town was quiet.

Next day we went to iguazu falls which to be honest are probably one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. The sheer size and volume of water  that passes through the falls is incredible. We then did the boat trip under the falls which was incredible and you get completely soaked doing it but well worth it just to see an entire boat of people giggle and scream like school girls.

The next day myself and the norweign had to part ways because I was heading to Buenos Aires and markus was heading back to Rio.

Big shout out to markus it was greet craic travelling with you and best of look on your travels.Don't forgot I still want that barrel of oil when I get home. If you ever plan a trip to Ireland to see how the poor people live let me know and I'll show you around the mean streets of Dublin.

Next stop Buenos Aires....where everything got a little crazy.

Paraty to Sao Paulo bus station

So after leaving rio I decided to head to a small colonial town four hours away called Paraty.

I arrived in Paraty and rocked up to hostel where I met Paul and Marion the couple I met in Rio. After settling in we all rocked up to the bar which was on the beach. After a couple of minutes this Australian guy in his 40s joined us. The only way I can describe him is as one of the most annoying people I have ever met. He was biking across SA but had apparently also biked across every country in the world and he literally would not stop talking about him self.Its hard to explain how annoying he was but lets just say after about two minutes I wanted to shoot him in the face.

After a couple of minutes a norweign guy named markus joined us so I no longer had to listen to the annoying Ozzy.

After a couple of beers I explained to Markus the economic situation in Ireland and asked would he mind maybe giving us back our oil. He said that if I was stuck for a job I could come work in his norweign mansion because in Norway they employ people from poor countries just for the laugh.

He also bought me a beer and called it norweign guilt beer which was cool but I wasn't letting up on the oil thing. So he promised to send me a couple of barrels of oil whenever I got back to Ireland.

After a few more beers myself, markus Marion and Paul decided to go on a Jeep trip to see some waterfalls because lets face it everyone loves a good waterfall.

The next day we got in the Jeep which was apparently from the Korean war(this was definitively not true). The guide seemed like a nice guy but couldn't speak much English but did drive around for around an hour so I could get batteries for my camera.

Anyway we drove out into the Brazilian country side to the first waterfall. To reach the waterfall you had to cross a rope bridge so that was cool. It all seemed very tropical and sunny etc so I was happy enough. The waterfall it self was more like a downward bend in a river as apposed to an actual waterfall It was a cool place to get in for a swim though.

After a couple of minutes we moved on to the so called second waterfall which again not so much a waterfall fall more like water falong at a small incline over some rocks. This did have really large flat stones running down it to a pool at the bottom. The rocks were unbelievably slippy and you could slide down them which was good craic. The Brazilian guy working there could surf down the rocks and do really impressive tricks which was really cool.

After that we decided to give the tour a second chance until the guide decided to bring us to some weird hippy house in the jungle.

He brought us in to the house and said we could order food although to me it looked just like some ones house. They were all in the kitchen making a Salad and one women was breast feeding. It was all very strange and I don't really know what the whole thing was about. I'm pretty sure they were growing pot and making clothes out of plants and shit which they were trying to sell. Anyway we high tailed it out of their to the next waterfall.......

That again wasn't really a waterfall. There was water and I suppose technically it was falling but not much I've seen better water falling in the shower.

We were all fairly hungry so we didn't stay long and moved on to a kilo restaurant in the middle of know where. (a kilo restaurant is a restaurant that you pay for your food per kilo. Its like a buffet but they weigh your plate at the end. If your clever and don't put really heavy things on the plate you can eat cheaply. These restaurants are very popular in Brazil).

After food and a few beers the guide brought us to a beach and then just walked off and drove a long beside us at the edge of the beach as we walked along the beach.Again I'm not really sure what he was at. He was kind of mental. At the end of the beach you could jump into the sea and get covered in this weird mud that looked like oil which was cool.

After that we went back to the hostel to have beers again.I was due to check out the next day but decided to stay another night and do the boat trip to some Brazilian islands the next day with Marcus.

The boat trip was good and it brought us to some beeches and we seen some great views of Brazilian coast line. Although to be honest after the first one they all look the same. I do enjoy a good beach though.

On the boat trip we met a really cool couple Alex(from England) and Jane(from Canada). We ended up sitting with them the entire day on the deck of the boat having a few beers which continued on to beers on the beach outside the hostel.

The next day Marcus was supposed to be heading to ihla grande an island near rio famous for its beautiful beaches. Marcus had become somewhat obsessed with this island as he wanted to fulfil his life long dream of playing a pirate on a pirate island. It was the reason he spent weeks growing a pirate beard.

Anyway I suggested that he should come to florinopolis with me and after a few beers we had set a plan to head to Flori then into Argentina to iguazu falls. We legged it down to the bus station to book our tickets to Sao Paulo so we could get a night bus to Flori.  Sao Paulo is apparently the biggest bus station in the world although I'm not sure I believe that.

We hopped on the bus that was half an hour late and hoped we would make it to Sao Paulo bus station before half eleven at night to make the night bus to Flori....what could possibly go wrong you say...a lot..lots of things could go wrong and did go wrong.

In Brazil it seems they are not really big on time keeping.They're a very relaxed nation of people who are extremely friendly but not the best at being on time. Firstly the bus was half an hour late so we were cutting it fine already. Then it looked like the bus driver started dropping people off to their houses and taking de tours all over the place.

We made it to the Sao Paulo bus terminal with around two minutes to spare and legged it through the bus terminal to try jump on the last bus to Flori although ironically this seems to be the only bus in Brazil that leaves on time. When we reached the departure area at two minutes past half the bus had gone... Resulting in what lead to myself and markus spending a night from hell in Sao Paulo bus station.

Things you can't be at in a favela

So I decided I'd get a favela tour because a few other people in the hostel were going on one so I thought feck it sure might as well.

The government in Brazil started pacification of the favelas to try tackle the crime rates in Rio a couple of years ago. This basically means they went in with loads of guns and tried to kill or remove the drug lords and gangs controlling them. The pacification of most of the favelas has been relatively successful to date leaving them a much safer place.

Anyway I went on the tour with about ten other people in a mini van. The favelas themselves are exactly what you would expect, tiny narrow streets with houses literally stacked on top of each other. The conditions seem fairly poor but the people seem really nice. Many of the people living there also work in little shops in the favelas themselves so they never really have to leave them.

The guide brought us down into the middle of Rio's biggest favela and showed us some gang markings and really dark narrow streets which seemed dodgy. He also showed us markings on the buildings that meant you could buy drugs there.(you can buy most drugs except crack cocaine.Apparently the drug lords think selling craic is taking it one step to far).

The guide then also said that if we were there to buy drugs he would leave us in the flavela to fend for ourselves which was nice of him.

He also said not to take to many pictures because the gangs and drug lords don't like journalist and might think you are one. For that reason I don't have any plus I think its not very nice to take pictures of poor people because they are poor.

Anyway that was not the general consensus of the group. There was one or two who had outrageously expensive cameras and were taking pictures of all kinds of mental shit like telephone cables. At one stage we nearly lost the guide because this English one with a massive camera had to get a picture of some fucking telephone cables. I said eh you can't be at that where the fuck is the guide gone if we lose him were all going to die here.So I pushed here and her stupid pretentious camera out of the way and legged it after the guide (only part of this might be true).

Eventually I manged to safely direct the tour groupback to the guide who was leaning against a wall a few hundred meters ahead smoking a cigar saying ehy you stupid criiingo why you not follow (also possibly not true).

He then told us about this cool project the government started in the favela. They built a massive sports centre with free membership for the people living in the favela but only if they enrol their children in school. The kids here love football and having access to this encourages them to go to school.

Things you cannot be at in a favela.

1.don't go on a tour there and try to buy drugs .The guide will leave you there and you will get shot. Sure you can't be at that lads!

2. Don't be a knob head tourist and bring a camera worth about a grand.Do what I did and bring a shit pink camera that nobody would rob and if they did well jokes on them cause the camera is fucking pink!

3. Don't take pictures of crap you can see at home. We've all seen telephone wires tangled together.Anyone over the age of sixteen will remember trying to untangle a load of it to connect the bloody internet.Again you can't be at that!

4. Don't stop to take pictures of crap when the guide said don't take pictures here..the gangs don't like it. Seriously what was her problem..I told her here you can't be at that!

5. Don't wear flip flops to a favela. There is rubbish everywhere and chickens and dogs and then more chickens.

6.Don't be an arsehole and start throwing money at the poor kids.you might think your helping but your not your just being a pretentious arsehole.

7. Maybe don't do a tour in general. These people are poor and are trying to live.Although some of the money you pay for the tour goes into helping them maybe just donate it to charities set up to help or go volunteer. Don't go in and stare at them and take pictures of them just because they are poor.

On an unrelated note that night I went out to a samba bar with a few people.On the way there myself and one of the other lads got jumped by a prostitute who tried to rob me.So I said here you prostitute....YOU CAN'T BE AT THAT!

Super Jesus and the Sugar Loaf

I made it to Rio alive in one piece. The flight was twelve hours  and I had nobody sitting beside me  on the plane so I made a bed out of three seats and slept for a lot of the flight.

I landed in Rio at nine o clock and walked out to meet my English speaking driver who brought me back to the hostel. In the hostel I was put in a nine bed dorm room on my own which I wasn't that happy about. The hostel was having a barbecue when I arrived so I rocked on down to eat and bumped into an Irish girl and Scottish guy who had been travelling around SA for a couple of months. I also met an English couple who had spent the last five months travelling and were going home in two days. After a few drinks myself, the Irish and the Scot decided that the next day we would go visit Christ the Redeemer and the sugar loaf mountain.

The following day after an amazing breakfast in the hostel we rocked up to see Christ the Redeemer.Re The statue itself is easy enough to get to by bus and you do not need to book a tour to see it as this costs a lot of money.

After you get the bus you then get a really slow train up the mountain to the statue. This is actually fairly cool and they have a samba band on the train so its a bit of craic.

The statue itself is grand but to be honest its just a really big statue of Jesus so if your into giant statues of Jesus then go for it and have an auld pray inside him while your there. Not really my idea of fun  but sure each to their own and all that. I kept imagining the giant statue shooting laser beams out of its eyes which would be really cool and make it worth the money you pay to get up to it.

The main reason to go up to the statue other then to see if it actually can shoot laser beams out of its eyes is for the views. The views of Rio from the top on a clear day are second to none. They will literally leave you thinking that the people who live here are the luckiest in the world to live in such a beautiful place.

Anyway after a couple of minutes of looking at super Jesus we left and went to the sugar loaf to catch the sunset.

To get up to the top of the Sugar Loaf you get two cable cars which are pretty cool and you get loads of amazing views of the city again. At the top you watch the sun descend rapidly behind the mountain leaving an orange glimmer that lingers around the mountain tops illuminating the mist and the city in a fiery haze.

Its worth hanging on a while to watch the city light up as well as the flavelas scattered around the mountain tops.

Then high tail out of there because if you hang around anywhere in the dark in Rio you will probably get robbed and that would be no craic at all.

Things you cannot be at

1.Don't get a tour up to Christ and the Sugar Loaf. You can get buses and the subway to each. To get into both is expensive enough without paying for a tour.

2. Don't go to the sugar loaf during the day. Its best to see this at night.

3. Don't wear flashy jewelery and don't bring your brand new i pad. Rio is not as dangerous as everyone thinks but don't make yourself stand out.