Things you can't be at in a favela

So I decided I'd get a favela tour because a few other people in the hostel were going on one so I thought feck it sure might as well.

The government in Brazil started pacification of the favelas to try tackle the crime rates in Rio a couple of years ago. This basically means they went in with loads of guns and tried to kill or remove the drug lords and gangs controlling them. The pacification of most of the favelas has been relatively successful to date leaving them a much safer place.

Anyway I went on the tour with about ten other people in a mini van. The favelas themselves are exactly what you would expect, tiny narrow streets with houses literally stacked on top of each other. The conditions seem fairly poor but the people seem really nice. Many of the people living there also work in little shops in the favelas themselves so they never really have to leave them.

The guide brought us down into the middle of Rio's biggest favela and showed us some gang markings and really dark narrow streets which seemed dodgy. He also showed us markings on the buildings that meant you could buy drugs there.(you can buy most drugs except crack cocaine.Apparently the drug lords think selling craic is taking it one step to far).

The guide then also said that if we were there to buy drugs he would leave us in the flavela to fend for ourselves which was nice of him.

He also said not to take to many pictures because the gangs and drug lords don't like journalist and might think you are one. For that reason I don't have any plus I think its not very nice to take pictures of poor people because they are poor.

Anyway that was not the general consensus of the group. There was one or two who had outrageously expensive cameras and were taking pictures of all kinds of mental shit like telephone cables. At one stage we nearly lost the guide because this English one with a massive camera had to get a picture of some fucking telephone cables. I said eh you can't be at that where the fuck is the guide gone if we lose him were all going to die here.So I pushed here and her stupid pretentious camera out of the way and legged it after the guide (only part of this might be true).

Eventually I manged to safely direct the tour groupback to the guide who was leaning against a wall a few hundred meters ahead smoking a cigar saying ehy you stupid criiingo why you not follow (also possibly not true).

He then told us about this cool project the government started in the favela. They built a massive sports centre with free membership for the people living in the favela but only if they enrol their children in school. The kids here love football and having access to this encourages them to go to school.

Things you cannot be at in a favela.

1.don't go on a tour there and try to buy drugs .The guide will leave you there and you will get shot. Sure you can't be at that lads!

2. Don't be a knob head tourist and bring a camera worth about a grand.Do what I did and bring a shit pink camera that nobody would rob and if they did well jokes on them cause the camera is fucking pink!

3. Don't take pictures of crap you can see at home. We've all seen telephone wires tangled together.Anyone over the age of sixteen will remember trying to untangle a load of it to connect the bloody internet.Again you can't be at that!

4. Don't stop to take pictures of crap when the guide said don't take pictures here..the gangs don't like it. Seriously what was her problem..I told her here you can't be at that!

5. Don't wear flip flops to a favela. There is rubbish everywhere and chickens and dogs and then more chickens.

6.Don't be an arsehole and start throwing money at the poor kids.you might think your helping but your not your just being a pretentious arsehole.

7. Maybe don't do a tour in general. These people are poor and are trying to live.Although some of the money you pay for the tour goes into helping them maybe just donate it to charities set up to help or go volunteer. Don't go in and stare at them and take pictures of them just because they are poor.

On an unrelated note that night I went out to a samba bar with a few people.On the way there myself and one of the other lads got jumped by a prostitute who tried to rob me.So I said here you prostitute....YOU CAN'T BE AT THAT!